Let me start by saying I walked into 2017 with a bang! I had it all figured out and I knew I was going to have an amazing year. I was super excited to see the new year and I couldn’t wait to just start already.
Over time, that changed and a lot of things changed too. At some point I was so “hopeful” that I only wanted a drop of positivity to get me through. I can’t count how many times I went on social media and saw horrible and disheartening tweets about how bad 2017 was for people. I’m sure there were a lot of other people that had great and successful years and hearing good news was what I lived for last year.
I couldn’t think of another way to do this apart from my monthly review. So, here goes…
In January, I came to terms with losing my Grandmother in December 2016 and decided to start my 2017 on some positive grounds. I was hopeful about everything. I was sure to have a great year.
A week to my dad’s birthday, he suddenly died (I miss you dad). Literally! It was the most sudden thing I could imagine. I didn’t know how to deal with this loss.
I spent the first month of the year mourning two of the most important people to me.
I lost my job. As if January didn’t come with enough stress. At this point, I gave up and succumbed to my tears. There was really nothing so exciting happening in my life. I stopped writing, stopped praying. I stopped everything. Stopped singing. Nothing appealed to me anymore
It was mainly about my grandmother’s burial. Where I come from, burials are a big deal! We had to turn up for Mama. To be very honest, we did our best but the thought that dad’s presence would have made it even a better ceremony didn’t help matters.
My birth month came! Some good news finally!
I’m grateful to my friends for standing by me. Cake! Cute dress! Laughter! WINE!
I realized that I couldn’t stay stuck in the sadness and cloud that I had let hover around for too long, that joy was mine for the taking and I chose to let it out when I wanted. I realized that my inner peace and wellbeing was in my hands.
The month of more realization. By this time, I had pulled away from almost all forms of communication. I hardly kept in touch with my friends and I wanted nothing more than to run away and hide under a rock until I decided to come out again. I was going in and out of my thoughts.
Emotionally, I was drained and I didn’t sleep much either.
Dad’s burial was here and we had to do what we had to do. It wasn’t easy on anyone. I was calmer by now. Didn’t cry much. I had come to terms with life. He was really gone. Not like he went on a trip. The man was gone.
It was a very full house so it was more fun that tears. I love my family! We held each other through as much as we could. We made sure everybody was good. This definitely brought us closer to each other.
It was all successful and I started to ask myself “what next?”
What was I looking forward to. Half of 2017 was gone and all it was filled with was loss and sadness for me. So what was next?
At that time all that got me out of bed was the gratitude of life and I decided to keep it like that because I was grateful for the most important thing.
I started to apply to any job I saw. I was invited to interviews but I rejected them because they didn’t quite meet my expectations.
You would think I would have at least read and researched on what the job would be like right? Nah!
I just wanted to work and get out of my house every morning. I was grateful for the interviews and impressions I left on my interviewers but I knew I was doing something wrong.
More job interviews and more turn downs and then I stopped!
What did I want to do? I was applying to all these jobs and going there to freestyle my interviews and then not wanting them because I didn’t see myself doing any of those things in 5 years.
I let go. Still wasn’t speaking to God. Didn’t know how to anymore and honestly had no interest.
The thought os relocating started to ring in my head because I felt maybe my current location was wrong for me. I still had no motivation. I wanted to start again. Don’t ask me why. I like to run when I’m pressured. It’s the easiest thing to do.
I wasn’t going to give up on myself – didn’t have a choice but to fight and so I started to draft out business plans and focus on the things that I loved to do.
Not only was I speaking to more people, but I was also letting myself enjoy the life that was before me.
Best month of the year! I got to be part of something I fell in love with back in June and in the course, met more people than I could have ever imagined. I wore a different kind of confident.
You could literally see the glow on my face.
Had conversations with anyone that could share and got tons of advice concerning my future plans. I didn’t hold back anymore. It was like something happened overnight.
- I met me
- let go of certain things, emotions, people and even places.
- I can’t turn back time and to be very honest I don’t want to
- at peace with life
- I stopped putting so much pressure on myself and realized that I deserve to enjoy the life I have now!