A while ago, I looked at my life and wondered “Who are my friends?”. I ask this question every now and then. I also recently broke off a friendship. It was probably the hardest thing I’ve had to do in a very long time but as I was lamenting to a friend about how I really couldn’t understand why this would happen or why it had to happen with someone I least expected, she says “Annabel, let it go. It’s okay! These things happen, so just let go”. “I can’t keep friends” were the words that tormented me until I heard those words “let go”.
For some of us, it could be that this lock-down has made us question almost all the relationships we have or have had in the past. I know for sure that I wondered who I would call. Who was my person and how I could talk to this fellow. Did it bother you when you didn’t have people to talk to or a squad to do drinks night with?
I knew I had to write about this a few days ago. I was talking to a someone and we got to talk about times when we did not even know who to call or talk to.
I’ve always liked to start over. There’s something about a fresh start that gives you a second chance. Whether it’s moving to a new class or leaving secondary school or even moving to a new city. I always like to do or be somewhere new. I guess that explains why “I can’t keep friends” is here as my title.
Friendship is kind of a big deal in my dictionary. I always take it serious and sometimes, maybe a little bit too seriously. The problem here is, I want my friends to stay forever. No, it’s not crazy. I see it happen all the time. People remain friends forever. Right?
Every now and again, I make new friends. I fall in love with them and then something goes wrong and for some reason, it’s hard to come back together. If you’re reading this and thinking “this is what happens to intimate relationships and not friendships”, then you probably have not met me yet. Friendships mean a whole lot to me. I think a lot about the way I relate with someone and I try to be there for you. Unfortunately, this also means that it is hard to let go of relationships that don’t work out very well for me.
Scrolling through social media you’ll see some pictures with the hashtag #squadgoals. I’ve never really had that. I started getting worried and asking “what’s wrong with me”. Was I not making the right decisions? Who were my friends? Why couldn’t I have a squad like everybody else?
You have to learn to let go
Not everyone is meant to be in your life forever
Some of them just come to teach you a lesson
Some friendships don’t have to last for long. A couple of them will last and some won’t. At the point that you realize it, let go. Don’t hurt yourself by trying to blame yourself especially when you know you did nothing wrong. Let it go.
I understand that things might seem lonely some times but realize that it’s also okay to be alone. Find your happy place. The right support system will come along and you’ll be grateful.
With Love YRN